Perish the thought
“Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
Why yes, yes, I do. They involve a comfy blanket and books. Nothing else could be any better. Why must people plan complicated outings involving several different places and 10 million human beings all squished into the same room?
Does it not get tiring to listen to emotional Patricia for the nth time crying over how the waiter purposely gave her the wrong drinks? I know I’d get tired of it. For me dressing up in clothes and actually wearing pants is a level of commitment you cannot expect on a weekend, it is unholy.
But there comes that one rare time when under some random mental breakdown we make the mistake of making a commitment. Why? Why do we do that? What possessed us? Was it Satan? How does one get out of it?
There is a whole life cycle that begins from the moment we make a plan with friends to the moment that we execute it, this also includes sufficient time to have a series of tiny breakdowns and stare at walls while we question the state of humanity.
It starts with…
- False bravery with a dash of confidence
If you are an introvert, do not call a friend when you are in an exceedingly good mood, chances are you’ll make promises that you might just have to keep. Having a good day does not mean that we must become overconfident and make plans!
What if those plans actually become real?
That would mean interacting with other people and being nice. When I get all giddy and happy, I end up calling my friends and having conversations with them, which usually result in poor attempts at planning. To avoid this complicated procedure, I make sure that all my friends are introverts so that they can prevent me from embarking upon any insane quests.
This does not mean that I can avoid extroverts completely, eventually one or two will slip in. Smart little shits.
When this happens, I try to keep my connections to a minimum with them, in small doses you see. But at time me being human I make the mistake of interacting with them when I am feeling confident, which for some reason give me enough of a rush to plan stuff.
God forbid that we allow a group of introverts to mingle with an extrovert and suddenly we are all making plans like some sort of party people trying to “fit in”.
All of this fades when the alarm rings the next day.
- The 3 AM panic
There you are lying in bed worrying about the plan you had inadvertently made. You think about all the things that you must do now to make that plan into a reality, such as:
- Waking up.
- Getting dressed.
- Having an actual conversation with other human beings.
- Smiling.
Was this worth it? Are you ready to do all this just because everything went right that one time? Well, that’s how the rest of the night goes, then comes the time when you actually have to get out of bed and prepare for the rest of the day, this is going to end well.
A good part of the day goes in waiting for a text or a phone call where we hope for a cancellation of some sort or the other and when that doesn’t happen, we pout for another good couple of hours and finally we give in and start getting dressed.
Staring broodingly off into space while hating humanity, in general, is also a part of the process. Finally, we sigh and step out to face everyone. This is going to be fun.
- Crawling to the finish line
This is the absolute fun part, pretending. We shut down and autopilot for a while, where we smile, stare and nod politely to everything that’s happening around us. Pretending to be interested, pretending to be polite, and pretending to fit in.
It’s exhausting, any event that is longer than 2 hours is far too long. How does one have the energy to go through all this without having 10 different meltdowns?
I mean we can stay in the bathroom for only an hour or so before it becomes far too awkward and apparently even that’s too long.
By that time everything begins winding down our soul seems to have already left the planet. For me it’s the smiling part, why do we need to smile so much? Why can’t glaring be normalized more? And why must it be considered inappropriate if we wish to bring along a book to read in a quiet corner?
Socializing is hard, and it’s not hard simply because we anti-social or something; some just like to be quieter than others.
Finally, there comes the time to go home and ye gods when I get back, I grab the comfiest blanket I can find and shut down for three days to recharge.
…
There is nothing wrong with socializing or going out, it’s just that each person is different from the other and gauging everyone on the same basis is kind of unfair. Some are more outgoing, and some prefer to curl up on the couch with a good book at the end of the day.
We all deserve to do the things we love after a hard day at work, sure we cross paths at times and try to test the water by trying something new. But should we not like it then it’s ok to try something else, fitting in shouldn’t mean we have to cut off entire parts of ourselves.
It’s ok to love what we prefer, fitting in with ourselves also matters.
