A little excitement is good for the soul they say but if I got any more excitement, I’ll probably not make it to next week. Erin thought all of this was positively amazing, “Oh my gosh Pam! It’s just like that movie we saw last week!”
“No Erin. Everyone died in that movie. Horribly!” I replied.
“Yes, yes but wasn’t it so cool?!” She clapped her hands like a retarded seal.
“Erin. They were all burned to death by the killer and eaten,” I spoke slowly as though to a child, “Do you want that? To be eaten?”
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she did.
“But the special effects were cool.” She said in a small voice.
“I’ll make sure your death has special effects.” I promised and distracted her with food.
As Erin was busy eating, I was mulling over the events of this week. Since the whole cat fiasco, things had just gotten worse. First there was the whole Wallace trash drama, he was convinced we were some forest raccoons hell bent on taking his trash. Then random notes made of words cut from magazines started appearing on our car saying that “HE’s wAtChINg Us.”
And now, things were missing from our apartment. It had started small, like a pen or toothbrush. But now our entire TV set was missing! Like who does that?! And how did no one see a man taking a whole TV from our apartment and leave?
I wanted to change apartments, but we had no more money left with us and Erin didn’t want to leave at all. That conversation still gives me nightmares,
“Erin someone is stalking us! We can get killed!” I yelled as I threw our clothes into our bags.
“I know Pam! But what if he just follows us wherever we go? At least we know the people here well!” She yelled back.
“10 days! You have known them for 10 days!” I hissed back.
“Fine! Where will we go? All the cheap places are here. Do you have a secret trove of treasure that I don’t know about?” She asked sweetly, her eyes glinting menacingly.
“Uh… I… no. But we could-“
“No! We do this every time. You freak out. We leave and then you find some “problem” wherever we go!”
“The last place was nice, but someone had to burn it down.” I muttered under my breath.
“What was that?” She asked sharply.
“Oh, nothing.” I replied quickly.
“Good! We are going to stay here. We are going to face this. This is our home now! Keep annoying me and the serial killer will be the least of your worries!” She growled and marched to her room.
Well then, I was definitely going to have “I Told You So” chiseled into my gravestone.
RINNNNGGGGG!
The doorbell rang shrilly snapping me out of my reverie.
“Ooh could e dat?” Erin asked, her mouth full of food.
“Yes please, don’t chew. I love getting a deeper look at the process of digestion.” I said sarcastically. Erin shot me a dirty look as she chewed quickly and got up to follow me to the door.
RRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!
“Hold your horses! We are coming!” I yelled and looked through the peephole. It was Nelly holding a covered platter.
“God no. It’s too early for this,” I whispered and looked to Erin, “It’s Nelly.”
“Oh my god! Yaaaaaaay!” She shrieked and threw open the door.
“Nelly!”
“He…hello dearie. I had muh…made my lemon ca…cake. I thought y…you might like some -!”
“Mine!” Erin yelled and grabbed the platter before Nelly could even finish speaking.
“You’d think I never fed her anything.” I said dryly as I watched her tear into the fluffy and iced cake.
“Mmmmph so gud,” Erin garbled as she chewed as Nelly cooed over her like a doting grandmother. Rolling my eyes, I went over to the couch and laid down for a bit, tired from work. Nelly and Erin continued to speak, and I let their voices lull me to sleep.
“So then dearie wh… what happened about de… dear old W… Wallace? I heard him yell.”
“Oh! That dreadful man still think we steal from him! From his trash! Why would we?”, Erin snorted derisively.
“I hear he was miss… missing his un…underwear this morning. Maybe he al…also forgets th…things.” Nelly said sounding sorry for him.
“His underwear?! Was he walking around without it?!” Erin gasped scandalized, never mind that she never bothered with pants in the mornings.
“I hope not.” Nelly replied sounding equally aghast.
Feeling the conversation take a turn for the weird I finally drifted off to sleep.
…
“Oh my god!!”
Startled at the shriek I rolled off the couch and landed painfully on the floor.
Everything was dark.
“Wh…what is going on?” I asked groggily as I got up to my feet.
“I don’t know, the lights went out suddenly!” I heard Erin call out to from near the kitchen where I could hear some rustling.
“Now where could it-?”
“D…do you need some he…help dearie?” I heard Nelly’s voice call out from beside me.
“Aha!” Suddenly the kitchen was lit up with a warm glow, Erin was smirking over a candle at us.
“See! I told you they’d come in handy.” She called out smugly.
“Erin,” I said carefully, “Maybe someone else should handle the candle. You know the rules.”
“Come on! You said that’s only when I could hurt someone!” She cried out indignantly.
“Us! You could hurt us! We are someone!” I yelled as I felt my blood pressure rise.
“Wha…what’s happening?” Nelly whispered.
“Oh, come on Pam! It happened one time! Why can’t you let things go?” She pouted.
“Let go?! The man didn’t have a leg, Erin!” I cried out as I slowly edged towards her to make a grab for the candle.
“N…no leg? Wh…why what hap…happened to it?” asked Nelly, looking puzzled.
“You don’t want to know.” We both replied in tandem.
“Alright give me the candle!” I demanded as I pulled it towards me.
“No!” Erin cried out and pulled it towards her. Wax droplets flew everywhere as the flames danced dangerously.
“Oh, my. This do…doesn’t look safe dearies.” Nelly said as she wrung her wrists nervously.
“Don’t worry Nelly! I almost got it!” I cried out as I yanked the candle towards me.
“No. You. Don’t!” Erin cried, yanking the candle towards her.
The candle broke between us, and the flaming wick landed on the carpet catching fire immediately.
“Oh, dear.” Nelly whimpered as I quickly emptied the jug of water over it to put the fire out.
“Well, this brings back memories,” I muttered as I stared at the smoldering patch of carpet, “Are you happy now Erin?”
“Happy?! If you wouldn’t be so stubborn, this would not have happened!” She yelled and stomped off and promptly tripped over something in the dark. Sighing, I grabbed the flashlights from the drawer, turned them on, and handed one to Nelly.
“Ok, I am going out to check what’s wrong.” I called out to Erin, who was still lying on the floor.
“Mrrggfh.” Her garbled reply came.
I made my way towards the door and stopped immediately.
“Where are our shoes?” I asked Erin.
“Wha…? What do you mean where are our shoes? They are by the door, as always.” She replied.
“Erin. I am standing right by the door. Looking at it! They are not here.” I replied patiently.
“Can’t do a single thing… always have to do everything myself…” Erin grumbled under her breath as she got up and made her way towards me.
“Oh.” She said quietly
“Yes oh, Erin,” I rolled my eyes, “told you. They aren’t here.”
“But how…? They were there this morning. When we got back from work. How can they disappear? We were literally home!” She cried out angrily.
“Yes, we were home. Until…”
“Don’t say Nelly.”
“God dammit Erin! Who else could it be?! Literally no one else came in!” I yelled.
“Bu…but what will I do w…with your sh…shoes my dear?” Nelly asked, looking confused.
“I don’t know. Why did you stab your husband?” I snarked.
“I can’t re…really recall.” She replied.
I turned to Erin quickly, “We are going to die here.”
“Pam. Calm down. There is a solution for this.” She said soothingly.
“Oh? And what could that be?” I demanded.
Erin smirked as she went towards the kitchen cabinet, opened it, and pulled out some polythene bags.
“Ta da! Our new shoes!”
I blinked slowly for a while, processing this.
“Nope.”
I went over to the phone and began dialing Julius as I peered through the keyhole, it was pitch black.
“There’s no way I am wearing that, Erin! Nelly, go yell outside and see if Wallace knows what’s wrong. It’s just us on this floor anyways.”
“The trash guy?! You can’t be serious Pam!” Erin cried out.
“Yes, I am! Dammit there’s no dial tone!” I cursed under my breath as I put the phone down. What the hell was going on?!
“He is our enemy!”
“He is also our only source of help. Unless you want to go barefoot through the rat-infested corridor.” I replied.
“Wait. Nelly! Do you have extra shoes?!” Erin called out, grinning happily at her solution.
“No, de…dearie I don’t. But you can use m…mine if you wa…want??” She said hesitantly.
“God no.” I shuddered.
“But… why? Who doesn’t own more that one pair of shoes?!!” Erin wailed.
“Nelly.” I responded helpfully.
“Alright,” I clapped my hands and straightened, “We have waited long enough. I am going to find out what has happened.”
I purposefully made my way towards the door, Erin and Nelly followed me silently. I gestured Nelly to go and knock on Wallace’s door, Erin shook her head in betrayal. I ignored her as Nelly crept forward slowly and knocked.
Nothing happened. I sighed in disappointment and turned around to go back into our apartment as Erin grinned in happiness.
“Fine, Erin I’ll use the ba-!”
“Wha’ do you want?”
Wallace had opened the door!
“Nooooooooo!”
“Shut up Erin! Oh, thank God! You’re home. Do you know what happened to the lights and phones?! Never mind, do you have extra shoes?!” I asked in hurried excitement.
“Wha…?” He gaped at me and continued, “Dunno much about no phones but the lights do go out from time to time. An’ I don’ have no shoes for you. You might up an’ steal em.”
“Why I! We would never steal your shoes!” Erin yelled.
“Erin, stop.” I said firmly. She ignored me.
“Well then, listen ere’ missy! You have some nerve talkin’ to me like that. Takin’ a man trash!” He puffed up in anger.
“What would we do that for?! We don’t care for your dirty tissues or magazines!” She sniped back.
“Well, I never! Those are for educational purpose you hear!” He yelled; his cheeks flushed in a deep red as he sweat-dropped.
“Oh de…dear. Stop the b…both of you.” Nelly pleaded as she wrung her hands nervously.
“Oh, pipe down lady!” Wallace growled.
“Hey!”
“How dare you?!”
“Oh, d…dear.”
The corridor was soon flooded with the noise of our argument, the purpose of visit long forgotten. Until a metallic whirring sounded at the end of the corridor, silencing us.
“What was that?” I asked in a hushed voice.
“I’m standing right here with you, aren’t I?” He snarked.
I shot him a dirty look. The noise continued to come from the end of the corridor.
“Maybe it’s the electricity trying to come back?” Nelly asked.
“Ooooh! Maybe it’s a ghost!” Erin squealed.
Until the noise stopped, and the air was punctuated with a loud CLANG and a hiss. Light flooded in and illuminated us in horror.
It was the elevator. It was working.
But that wasn’t what had our mouths hanging open and eyes bugging out. No that was the body inside.
It was Julius, or what remained of him at least. His mangled body was set in a kneeling position while his arms were outstretched and cupped, as though he was offering us something. He was. His hands held his eyeballs. His empty eye sockets stared at us as his lifeless mustache hung limp over his sewn mouth. But this wasn’t the worst part. It was the board that hung around his neck on which it was messily scrawled, “I’m watching you.”
Silence, then…
Screams filled the corridor as I stood in shock, staring at the body.
“What the hell is going on?” Erin whispered hoarsely from beside me.
Nelly and Wallace clung to each other as they crouched in a corner. I shrugged as I stared at the body, “Well Erin, I think it explains itself, doesn’t it?”
Erin looked at me in horror.
It was fun, being alive.
