I sighed falling back on the couch exhausted. Settling in was hard work. Even though we had meagre belongings, it still took time. I kicked my legs back up on the couch and stared at the stained ceiling as Erin tried in vain to clean up the carpet. Pigs would tap dance before that happened, but I didn’t want to break her heart.
“What kind of stain is that even?”, Erin muttered as she attacked it furiously.
“Something tells me we don’t wanna know.”, I replied as I sunk into the couch further. The kettle whistled shrilly as the tea came to a boil, I got to my feet reluctantly and made my way towards the tiny stove. Pouring the tea and grabbing some crackers, I waited as Erin made her way towards the table.
“So, what do you think?”, she asked me as she sipped her tea.
“About what?”, I played dumb while studiously avoiding her eyes.
THWACK. She hit me with the feather duster, “Don’t play dumb! How do you feel about this place?”
“Please tell me you didn’t clean anything HERE with that! We don’t even know what diseases we’ll catch here!”, I spluttered as I furiously rubbed at my face.
“Tell me!”, she screeched.
“Fine woman! I feel we will end up on milk cartons if we stay here. But it’s the only option we got. Now if SOMEONE hadn’t burnt down our previous apartment, we’d still have options.”, I yelled.
“It was a mistake! How was I supposed to know the vacuum cleaner would do that?!”, she yelled back.
“Why would ANY person need so many candles anyways?! What were you trying to do? Summon spirits?!”, I argued while angrily sipping at my tea.
“You know-!”
The doorbell rang interrupting her tirade. “Saved by the bell.”, I thought.
“Must be the takeout we ordered.”, I said and quickly made my way towards the door. A thin, shifty-eyed and, dark haired man stood outside holding our Chinese food.
“Umm…your order?”, he asked as his eyes darted around us nervously.
“Yes! Here you go, thanks.”, I said as I handed over the money.
“Yea, um thanks.”, he replied, his eyes still looking inside.
“Was he planning to rob us?”, I thought, my eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“Bye!”, Erin yelled startling me from my thoughts and shutting the door on his face.
“Erin! What the hell?! You almost made me drop the food!”, I growled and made my way to the kitchen to keep the food.
“Well, you looked like you were going through your “paranoid panic” again.”, I could almost hear the quotations in her voice.
“No, I was not!”
“Yes. You do this every time. You blow things out of proportions and then spend hours stalking people and coming up with crazy scenarios!”, her hands gestured wildly as she spoke, indicating her frustration at my inability to understand.
“Ok. Fine, it happened once.”, her eyebrows arched, “Ok. Twice.”, they arched further almost disappearing into her hairline.
“Fine! So, is it wrong to be careful?!”, I pouted.
“You thought the neighbors were hiding stuff in our garbage and spend the night digging through it!”, she said incredulously.
“Ok when you put it that way, it does sound insane.”
“Because it is!”, she huffed.
“Alright alright, how about this? I’ll be less paranoid. You burn less stuff. Fair?”, I offered. Pretty sure this sounded insane. But we really couldn’t afford a third apartment.
“Fine!”, she agreed, and we shook on it. I wondered how long this was going to last.
“Come on. I am starved. Let’s eat.”, I whined and pulled her towards the food. Finally, unpacking it all, we dug in. It had been a while since we got to sit and eat peacefully. Enjoying the food and looking around the apartment, suddenly it all didn’t seem so bad.
“Ooooh a fortune cookie! Here take yours!”, she threw it at my forehead and ripped into hers.
“Ow.”, I muttered rubbing at my forehead and opening the cookie.
Horrors await you. Approach it with a smile.
Well, that seems about right. Guess I spoke too soon.
“What’d you get? What’d you get?!”, Erin lunged for the fortune and read through it. “Huh? Horrors? What does that mean? Here read mine, it’s way better.”, she said and thrust her paper in front of me.
Burning the right flames will never read you astray.
“Dear god, please don’t test this theory. I refuse to apartment hunt again!”, I moaned.
“What? Shut up! It doesn’t mean literally!”, she pouted.
We cleaned up while bickering with each other and finally made our way to our beds. Sighing I sunk into the mattress and stretched my aching body.
“Hah! What a day it was.”, I murmured, my mind drifting through the tasks that needed to be done. I had a late shift tomorrow at the shitty convenience store I worked at. It was an exhausting job. Soon I started to drift of to sleep, the noises from the street lulling me, when I remembered. Did I check the door?!
My eyes flew open as I all but tumbled out of the bed and ran towards the door.
I froze in shock. It was slowly being pushed open! A scream seemed to be lodged in my throat as I threw myself against the door, my life flashing before my eyes. The door slammed shut with a loud noise and I quickly locked it with shaking fingers.
My heart thudded in my chest as I looked at the keyhole. Should I look through it? Did I want to?
Gulping loudly, I moved forward and peeked through it.
A bloodshot eye stared right back at me. I yelped and stumbled back in a fright. The lights suddenly turned on.
“What the hell is going on?!”, Erin yelled as she walked towards me looking disgruntled, her hair messy from being woken up.
“Eye…There…someone…they tried to break in!”
“What?”
“Erin! Someone’s outside!”, I cried out, rushing back to the keyhole. I peered through it again. The person had moved back now. It was an old lady with bushy white hair and a large knife!
“My god Erin! Look!”, I gestured towards the keyhole. Erin peered through it nervously.
“Hey, it’s the old lady neighbor the apartment guy told us about!”, she said as she looked back at me. “Looks like she’s sleepwalking. Should we help her out?”
I looked back at her blankly.
“Did you not see the knife? I am all for helping but not if I end up being the collateral.”, I replied.
“Oh, come on! She’s just standing there.”, Erin peered out again, “Maybe she just picked up what was lying around.”
“Lying around?! Unless she’s skinning camels or horses, there’s no logical reason for anyone to have a knife that size! Also did you forget the part where Julius told us that she KILLED her husband!”, I hissed out.
“Damn. Yea ok that is scary now.”, Erin whispered.
“Also, she was opening our door and it did not look like she was coming to give us cookies or homemade pie.”, I muttered.
“More like bake us into pies.”, Erin giggled.
I worried about her sometimes. Ignoring her demented giggling I peered out the keyhole again. The old lady still stood here. Swaying slightly back and forth, her bloodshot eyes staring blankly at the door. Feeling completely creeped out I stepped away from the door.
Also, I was angry. I was tired and sleepy! This was unacceptable!
Feeling determined I turned to Erin, “Alright. Let’s just go to my room. I have a baseball bat there. We’ll lock the door and sleep together for the night. Just to be safe. No way am I allowing her to be the reason of my obituary!”, I declared as I yanked Erin’s arm and marched her back to my room while we turned off the lights.
Hopefully Grandma McCrazy will get tired and just leave. I didn’t have high hopes for it though.
…
I flinched as the bright light hit my eyes, turning away from the window I sighed, feeling well rested. I frowned as the voices from the kitchen filtered into the room. Who was Erin talking to this early?
Feeling curious I got up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and walked towards the kitchen. Erin was sitting at the table, laughing, and drinking tea… with the crazy, old lady?! Well, she didn’t look nearly as crazy with her fluffy white hair combed neatly and dressed in a pretty, yellow dress.
Gaping I stood there, looking at the scene before me.
“Oh! Pam you’re up! Look what Nelly got us!”, Erin yelled excitedly as she jumped to her feet.
“Nelly?”, I repeated blankly.
“Yes! She got us cookies. Freshly baked!”, she shoved the plate of cookies under my nose till I became cross eyed looking at it.
“Cookies?!”, I shoved the warm plate away gently. “Umm… Did you forget what happened yesterday Erin?! She was standing outside our door with a knife!”, I spluttered.
“Oh yes dearie. I am so sorrr..sorry about that. It happens sometimes you see. I get nervous at times and the… then sleepwalk you see. The doctor he uh he said that it’s normal.”, Nelly stuttered nervously as she fidgeted with her dress, her blue eyes looking at me earnestly.
“Also, she had cookies, you said if she had cookies, it’s ok!”, Erin chimed in.
“I said no such thing! What are you? 12?!”, I protested.
“Pam. Come on! She’s nice. Also, before you say it, I asked her about the murder thing. It was totally the husbands fault.”, she continued.
“That’s exactly what a murderer will say!”, I hissed, praying to the gods for patience.
“No, no Pam.”, Erin continued, “He tried to kill her, but she saved herself. It is ok if it’s to save yourself.”, she said slowly as though I was a child. Nelly was nodding sagely. I was pulling at my hair in frustration.
“What did the police say then?”, I demanded.
“Well then, that was the pr..pro…problem you see. I ne…never could recall what I di…di..did or what happened . I was as…asleep you see. Just saw all the bl…blood.”, Nelly said her hands shaking, “I still ff….feel him around at ti…times.”, she finished as she shook badly.
I stared at them both in shock. Forgot what happened?!
Erin tutted sympathetically as though this was all a normal occurrence, and hugged her, “Are you happy now Pam? You upset her!”
“Hey! You asked her first!”
“Whatever.”, Erin scoffed and continued, “Can we keep her now?!”
“She’s no toy Erin.”, I said as I rolled my eyes and grabbed a cookie to eat. The chatter resumed as I chewed the cookie angrily, at a loss for words. They were absolutely delicious.
