This post is a rant and I have no problems in admitting that fact honestly. Living with the elusive giant has taught me many things such as how to function in their habitat while causing minimal disruptions because any and all disruptions are noted, and petty vengeance follows immediately – also due to the fact that I may or may not be equally petty – which is to be avoided at all costs.
Living in this manner has taught me all manners of skills and fascinating information which I feel might help other fellow non-giants to survive in their own habitats. It is no easy task to fetch snacks the giant has managed to hide in unreachable caverns, so we must help one another to thwart their evil ways.
I have written below a part of the knowledge I have managed to gather while in hiding so that he never finds out that I am onto him. Eventually, we shall conquer them all and reclaim the honour we lost after being patted on the head.
The Unreachable Shelf
I hate this shelf. Somehow everything that we own seems to end up on this shelf. I recall the very first day I entered the habitat of the giant, I was too exhausted to notice anything but when I had gone to sleep and woke up the next day… I noticed that things were nowhere to be found. I was shocked, the kitchen seemed to be missing items… where could they all be?
That’s when I noticed it. The third shelf. The shelf is unreachable to all except the giants. Everything seemed to be placed here exclusively. Why, you may all ask. To me, it seems as though it is the evil plan of the giants to prevent us from accessing anything and render us helpless. So that we may rely on them for all things, and they treat us as their glorified pets.
But we shall not lose this battle! So, how do we win this? Is there any solution?
Solution
There is no easy way but if you stand still long enough and glare at them, they might relent to your terrifying presence and change their evil ways if this too fails then pouting and throwing an absolute fit like the overgrown child that you also seem to work but be warned they do it out of pity more than anything else. But what is dignity compared to easily reachable items?
The BlanketOlympics
Do you like feeling extremely cold while trying to fall asleep? I know I don’t. Yet in the middle of the night, all my blankets seem to vanish magically. How you may ask. It is due to the extremely tall giant that sleeps beside me. For some reason the giant feels warm and then chooses to turn on the air conditioning, then the giant feels cold. Our problem begins here.
Using some form of dark magic and long arm witchcraftry the giant manages to steal the blanket. At first, I didn’t seem to realize anything but then suddenly my feet started to freeze and slowly awareness returned to me and then rightfully offended I went after the blanket and attempted to steal it back. This is completely pointless as the giant seems to possess superior skills and holds on to the blanket with all his strength and is also wrapped in it like a burrito.
What do I do then?
Solution
I knew this wasn’t a battle I was going to win easily, so I did what any sane man would do in my place, I stole the blanket first. I turn into a giant kidney bean and wrap the blanket securely around me, preventing any further deviousness by the giant.
Common sense would dictate that we share the blanket evenly but no, we are too petty for that. Hence, we spend hours trying to lay siege to one poor blanket.
The Vanishing Human
This one is a fun one because we the “normal” people can abuse this talent in many ways. You may be wondering what this talent is. Well, it is basically when we manage to disappear from their vision. We don’t actually disappear, it’s just that they fail to notice our presence and proceed to ignore everything beneath their eye line.
They also have the gall to tell us that it is we who choose to vanish! There I was, minding my own business when the giant calls me on my phone and asks where I have vanished while only standing a few feet away. Despicable, also a teensy bit heightist.
Solution
There is none. I freely admit that I abuse this superpower of mine. Can you imagine the amount of freedom you have to cause chaos? Whenever the giant annoys me, or I simply feel bored… I vanish for a while and then enjoy the giant fretting about waiting for a surprise attack from me.
Be warned, this does result in being treated like a pet or a glorified child where you are made to walk in front under constant surveillance and disapproving stare.
It is worth it though. It is therapeutic and also satisfying to watch the giant squirm.
…
The war between the normal people and giants may never come to an end, we may never reach equivalent blanket rights, and maybe they will never use the bottom shelf but we must not let them take over everything with impunity!
We must use our skills and defy their corrupt measures to pat our heads, we must keep using our excellent hiding skills and claim the blanket for ourselves. This is what they get for not sharing their secret growing techniques with us. We are their overlords and we shall succeed.
