No one knows you better than your friends, maybe your enemies but that’s not the point. Usually, it’s like a play where we all play our parts, some more complicated than the others but it’s still a part regardless but it’s only amongst the closest of our friends that we let go of our script or we are forced too.
We can’t always keep our mask up or it’s just that they are around us long enough to watch it slip.
In my personal experience no one can pretend for longer than 3 months, it’s not possible due to a multitude of reasons the first one being vanity. We are all colorful creatures, and we love showing off our feathers and there is always a situation where a distinct set of our emotions are set off and we display that one part of us that we try to keep locked away.
If anyone keeps up their mask for longer than three months, then they are veritable sociopaths and maybe you should consider changing your zip code.
The funniest part is that even we don’t know when we have gone off script it’s just that we became so comfortable that we let a corner of the mask chip away. There are so many pieces to my mask that even I didn’t know existed and it’s my closest friends who bought it to my attention.
Now, I’d like to showcase some of my feathers:
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The Cold Blue
Personalities are hard to guess and even harder to understand. There is a lot that goes on in a person’s mind that we cannot fathom. It is the same with me, at times it is hard for even me to figure out the mess in my head. In times like these my friends are the ones who manage to uncover the jumble.
I mostly pride myself on being a very open and easily approachable person, so it was news to me when a friend of mine said that it’s the opposite! In fact, I came across as a cold and detached person.
This made me quite surprised; I shook it off at first thinking she was just kidding and that this couldn’t possibly be true. That was until…
Incident #1
I was attending a tutoring class prior to some exams with my friends when we were approached by a new student, we all sat together and chatted with one another for a while until the class was done. All in all, it was a fun day until it was time to leave.
So, I was just packing up my things until the new girl came towards me and laughingly said how fun it was talking to me considering how unapproachable I looked.
I was surprised again, was I so cold looking?
I mean this was the second time someone said this to me, so it must be true. Right?
Next Step?
I decided to do something about it. I didn’t want to spend time blocking off people inadvertently when they needed me. What if it was someone who mattered to me?
I made sure to keep an open expression along with an open mind, sometimes even a small smile gives enough space for someone to approach you.
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The Condescending Red
Words are powerful and their effects on others is even more powerful. We can mold a person into something better or shatter what is remaining of their shape based upon the words that we choose to use that day.
So, as someone who fully recognizes the power that words yield, I was surprised to know that I came across as condescending at times. That my words escaped me at times and managed to hurt someone.
Unable to believe it I disregarded it for a while, thinking perhaps the person in overtly sensitive or is just trying to start an argument until it happened once more.
Incident #2
This occurred in the middle of the night, one of my friends messaged me saying they had bought a clock, a digital one to be specific. I had teased them about it but apparently it came across as condescending and had hurt their sentiments.
I felt awful for being so rude when all they had wanted was to genuinely share their excitement with me.
When we end up hurting someone, even if it is unknowingly the responsibility is still ours and this shows that a change is necessary.
Next Step?
Feeling guilty I immediately paused and tried to break down the conversation in my head to understand where I had gone wrong. We try a hundred ways to justify ourselves yet forget that the moment justification becomes necessary we have erred in one way or the other.
I chose to be a little more careful with my words.
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The Caustic Green
Sarcasm is the poorest form of humor, but it has been the best form of self defense for me. When things become too much I automatically default to sarcasm. I don’t even realize when I do that, it’s a trigger reaction.
For the most part I did not even know this was something that I did, I only found out about it when my friends bought it to my attention. Apparently, the use of sarcasm in a heavily weighed down emotional moment is highly frowned upon.
Now the discovery of this was a fun one.
Incident #3
It was a sunny day, and the teacher was absent, so we were out spending time relaxing in a large empty area outside the classrooms. Me and my friends were messing around while one of my friends was talking about her boyfriend possibly cheating on her.
She was starting to become emotional and I immediately trying to diffuse the situation made a sarcastic comment which made her to immediately burst into tears.
I was baffled for a minute trying to understand what was happening when my friend told me that being overtly sarcastic could hurt someone inadvertently.
Next Step?
It’s still hard for me to reign this in because it is hard for me to identify when I am actually doing it, so I make sure to gauge the situation well before letting my words run free. The easiest thing is to think before you speak and think about who it is that you are speaking to.
Being Better:
We cannot change core parts of ourselves in a day, that takes time, but we can at least be more aware of ourselves and not breakaway the parts of the person that we love.
I am by design an introvert so I don’t have innumerable friends but the ones that I have mean the world to me so going that extra mile for that person is something that I can and want to do.
It’s not about change but about leaving enough room for someone we care about.
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Thank you for reading! Also, I sure do love support and coffees! 💜
