Bad days are a part of our life; every day has the potential to be a bad day until it’s not. Now, we cannot guess whether or not we are having a bad day until we do but we can easily identify if someone else is. There are these certain markers that people display when things aren’t exactly going according to plan, and this can vary from something simple like a frown or a glare to complex displays like approaching us just to talk or having bubbles of unexpected excitement.
We are rarely vocal about our worries or sentiments, but we are a smart species and are sensitive to what is happening around us, we just choose to ignore it until it directly affects us. It is true that should a stranger be having a breakdown before us very few of us will voluntarily approach them and ask what’s wrong for fear of becoming involved in their issues, but should it be someone who we know? We immediately check-in, if only to be polite.
This checking in part is where things become complicated because we all have different ways of interpreting a bad day and dealing with them. The first mistake we make is assuming that whatever works for us will work for them, every human is unique in their way and different coping mechanisms become necessary.
Now, I can’t tell you what works but from personal experience, I can tell you what doesn’t.
Leaving A Conversation You Started
When you start a conversation showing that you are concerned about someone, you are opening a door indicating that they are welcome, that it’s a safe space for them and they can trust you. So, don’t walk away once they start to open up.
When we start communicating with someone in a way we become their confidant, a cornerstone of support and stability. But the catch is, they’ll depend on you because how often is it that someone prioritizes you? Places you first?
So, when you do that to someone you automatically become irreplaceable to them, and they keep returning to you to vent out their anger and share their pain. It isn’t an easy undertaking; it’s a difficult task being a shoulder for someone to cry on.
We don’t find the difficulty in asking but we do find it difficult to listen and this is because shared pain is still pain and it does affect us sometimes. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming and eventually begins to trigger us, so we start avoiding them and putting a distance between them and us.
But this causes more harm than good. Sure, we have every right to back away a bit but don’t run without giving a reason, to someone struggling that’s akin to leaving them marooned on an island with no way back.
Talk to them, tell them it’s overwhelming because they will listen to you too but don’t cut them off without a reason. Forging bonds is easy but looking after them is not.
Rain On Their Parade
When someone has a series of bad days, there are those days when things do go right. It could be something small and almost insignificant or it could be something huge and unexpected but it’s something that has gone right for them, so don’t underestimate its level of importance.
Usually, when something goes right for me, I do not talk about it with anyone else or even share it with my close friends for fear that it might go wrong but that’s not the case with everyone. Some people like to share things more vocally with the people that they love and trust, this is because they rarely have the moments to do so. This does not mean that they are not vulnerable in this moment, if anything it’s the opposite. Having had little opportunity to celebrate moments when they share something positive, do not shrug it off because perhaps it’s the brightest moment of their day and they want you to be a part of it.
Yes, some of us are more realistic than others but some of us need to feel that little bit of positivity to get through the harsher days with our sanities intact.
What we forget while being realistic is that we might be ruining the one positive thing that’s going on in someone else’s day just to prove our point. We might even do it unknowingly, but the damage caused by it may leave an impression for a very long while.
Because immediately our thoughts go to, “Maybe I don’t deserve to have this good thing.” And everything just spirals from there.
The rule of thumb in these situations is, just to let them have their moment. Our feelings are secondary in this; it’s their moment, not ours.
A Hammer Isn’t The Only Thing In The Toolbox
Some of us are stronger than others but let’s not mix or confuse our strengths with harshness. Being harsh or cutthroat does not mean we can withstand a great number of adversities.
Everyone is built differently, we all function on different wavelengths and some of us are more sensitive than others and some of us can stand on the battlefield a little longer. But this does not make anyone better than the rest of us. It all comes down to the scenario we are facing.
In some situations, sensitivity is the better way to approach something and in some cases being more direct is better. It all depends on the way we apply ourselves to our surroundings.
The moment when someone is having a bad day and approaches you do not always take the path of tough love and use harsh words. Sure, we may be built to find this acceptable but not everyone is. They might be looking forward to a kinder approach from you or a caring shoulder to cry on so approaching things bluntly might do more harm than good.
There are also times when someone might come with the same issue to us over and over again and it isn’t because they aren’t capable of letting things go or finding a solution, it’s because they have no one else they trust as much.
So, hear them out and if it feels like too much, tell them but be kind.
It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.
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Interactions come in many ways and forms and at the end of the day, it depends upon you how you shape it. My opinion is that if there is a way you can make someone’s day easier or better then do it because not everyone is going to help a person out without expecting something in return.
Because there may be days that we might be expecting a kind hand from someone.
