Welcome to bad books and bad decisions round two! Trust me it can get much worse. So, I don’t like to read books online, mostly because I love collecting books. My friend calls me a purist in this regard. But come on, we all love the smell of paper.
But there are some books I shall not collect. I am guilty of buying some truly horrible books. These are best left forgotten or in some cases deleted without a thought. Since this seems to be a reoccurring habit, I decided to just read them online and later question my decisions in a corner.
In today’s line up we have multiple horns, millionaires, and manes! Yay!
Now, I won’t be so greedy as to keep these wonderful picks to myself, if I have suffered so shall you. So, let’s see my current bad choices!
-
365 Days Book by Blanka Lipińska
Genre: Fiction, Romance novel
Subject: A hallucinating millionaire
Length: 336 pages
Rating: 3.30/5 on Goodreads
This book is a thing of marvel really, I mean it’s a fanfiction of a fanfiction; a fanfiception! So, the writer decided to take Fifty Shades – an already wondrous book – and make it ten times worse. Wow!
Basically, the book follows a millionaire mafia man who had a fevered dream about some chick and decided to go on a kidnapping spree. 10/10 plot points.
Things that made my soul die
Now there are many reasons this book stands out, allow me to state a few of them:
One, the whole kidnapping trope. Okay, so our boy here picks up this girl and decides that in 365 days he’ll make her fall in love and after fainting a few times even the girl is ok with it…? How is this even a thing? Apparently, this is how love stories begin. Maybe next time Voldemort will pop by and take me out for dinner.
Secondly, the sheer amount of pointless bad touching. Consent does not exist in this universe. Some scenes made me want to watch Teletubbies. For some reason the bad boy mafia man decided to tie the socially unaware heroine to the bed and then proceeds to bad touch some random woman and almost kill her. How and why will this convince anyone to stay?
Maybe there are rules to romance that I don’t know such as, Thou shalt stay if thee is spanked and called baby girl by a budding sociopath.
Three, the writing alone. Let me tell you folks, at some point the Bella wannabe calls the mafia mans thingy a candle stick. Also, am I the only one who feels the writer all but wrote herself into the book? Like why did the heroine for no reason become blonde?
This book has so much going on, and the sheer gall of the writer to make a series out of this! We might as well read Fifth Shades of Grey and call it a day. I could go on but let me leave you with some of the best pieces of writing in here:
“His beautiful, straight, and thick prick stood erect like the candle stuck in the birthday cake I had had back at the hotel.”- 365 Days Book by Blanka Lipińska
Holding my neck with one hand and sticking to my head in the pillow, he whispered to my ear: “You provoke me, baby.” – 365 Days Book by Blanka Lipińska
I was stiff with fear, which was definitely painted on my face. Massimo saw this fear and was clearly turning on. – 365 Days Book by Blanka Lipińska
-
Ice Planet Barbarians Series by Ruby Dixon
Genre: Science Fiction, Romance novel
Subject: Weightlifting smurfs with horns
Length: Dear god it’s a lot!
Rating: 3.70/5 on Goodreads
There was a point when I sincerely thought The Predator would totally take me out on an amazing date, but then my mom shot it down saying that’s more than enough weird for the day. Stinging from this let down I approached other avenues of possible aliens. I regret this.
You would not believe the sheer amount of weird in this category, there’s everything from a snake man to a lion man, to a giant bee/coc
kroach thing that want you to carry its eggs/hive? I don’t know, it gets deep my friends. You don’t want to go down there.
Anyways, shifting through all that madness I finally arrived to this, The Ice Planet Barbarians. Funnily enough this series is an actual thing, and its famous too! So, it has macho aliens, with tails and horns. People like it. What could go wrong?
A lot apparently. Let me spill the tea!
Things that made my soul die
We begin with another kidnapping, but *gasp* there’s a whole bunch of kidnapping going on, like a ship full of it, but this time it’s some ugly green football aliens doing it. And as if it’s all not already horrible, here begins the bad touching and general ickiness.
The girls fight the bad aliens, the ships crashes on an icy plant and a girl named Georgie is the brave heroine over here that decided to walk out in her PJs through a freezing planet looking for help. She finds help in a blue horned man. There’s some “resonance” stuff happening that apparently lets you identify your mate or something and hence allows you to have happy times with the person.
There were some weird things going on top of a rock too, pretty sure the rock didn’t appreciate it.
Moving on, the blue guy and the heroine try to communicate and stuff and finally reach the girls, apparently the bad guys were just like “eh who cares?” and just left making the whole survival thing seem basically pointless.
But woohoo luckily the remaining girls all conveniently “resonated” with other blue guys lending forth magical powers to the author to continue this series.
This book is 90% in depth anatomy lessons and 2% plot. Don’t ask me where the remaining 8% went because I don’t know.
This series is the culmination of what happens when a Wattpad novel goes out of hand.
And here are some of my favorite lines:
“It wasn’t a monster come to eat me. It was this monster. Who’s come to eat me out.” – Ice Planet Barbarians Series by Ruby Dixon
“She is making me resonate. She is mine.” – Ice Planet Barbarians Series by Ruby Dixon
“And he can’t stop staring at me, as if I’m some magical dick-sucking unicorn come to life.” – Ice Planet Barbarians Series by Ruby Dixon
-
Alphas’ Mate by Leah Brooke
Genre: Erotic literature, Fiction, Romantic fantasy, Paranormal romance
Subject: A harem, that’s it.
Length: 228 pages
Rating: 3.91/5 on Goodreads
Ok, so I had to put up the summary cover of the book because the actual cover had a whole lot of animals and a whoolllee lot of woman. This book is funny, I mean where else do you go to visit someone and end up with four shifters as your mate?
Surprisingly I had found this in my school library! Honestly, I didn’t even know what it was, a few days back I remembered it once more and had to Google it to make sure this book actually existed and wasn’t just random fantasy come to life.
Once, I found it online, I reread it once more and was it an adventure.
Things that made my soul die
This book could have literally been half its length and it would have sufficed. This is because the rest of it is just sex. And my God does it go on, I mean literally 10 pages long.
The plotline is basically four werewolf brothers finding their mate, which is basically this one girl named Lacey – the poor thing – and haunting her till she accepts. Again, consent basically doesn’t exist. At some point I believe the heroine is just going to be a floating torso for all the opinion that she has.
Once the mating takes place and boy is that some scene – animals were involved – the crew faces bad guys and stuff. There is some kind of fighting and then ta da! Happy ending.
Oh, and also there is an old lady who totally cannot wait for them all to bang. Ah, good times.
Now, lets look at the highlights:
“Your scent is bringing out the animal in me.” – Alphas’ Mate by Leah Brooke
“For her to have the damned audacity to glare at him made him almost wild with the urge to put her over his
knee.” – Alphas’ Mate by Leah Brooke
…
Well, those are my sad picks for the day, but if there’s one thing that I have obtained from any of these books is a healthy appreciation for good books.
Most of these books magnify one trait in a person so much that it manages to overshadow everything else, including the plot. Sure, it might work for some, but everyone has varied taste. So, perhaps these books didn’t click for me, but it might for someone else.
So, you may enjoy these books if you choose to. I’ll come along after I finish burning my copies of them.
Thank you for reading! If you loved this, do show your support by buying me a coffee 💜
