Friends, Family Feuds, and Poor Decision Making
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Time to spill the tea!
We all want approval, and it’s ok. The problem is when we begin to cross the gray areas while doing so. I am not shy to admit that my need for approval and acceptance has led me well past those gray areas, in fact once or twice I have pranced around the ugly, red fluorescent zone. It wasn’t fun.
So where exactly do we stop? I mean no one paints a door in red saying, “Stop! Beyond this lies embarrassment and stuff you don’t want to contemplate later!”
I wish they did.
So, what are we delving into today?
Young grasshopper, let me take you on a journey where we get to see all that happens when we go a little bit too far in seeking acceptance from people who don’t matter.
Keeping Up With The Friends
Friendships are the best. Having someone who shares your madness is everything. There isn’t much that I wouldn’t do for them. Except killing bunnies, always say “No” to killing bunnies.
But some friendships come at a cost.
Mine came at the cost of changing parts of myself that mattered to me. You cannot just shed parts of yourself as you please. That’s just playing dress up in clothes that don’t fit you.
Storytime:
I was trying to fit into the “group” at the time. I had friend who was trying to fit in too. But I was more at the fringe compared to her. Let’s just say she wasn’t the kindest, talking to her meant listening to her go for hours complaining about others or just being plain cruel.
I used to laugh, I wanted to be accepted.
So, I sat with and watched her bring down everyone around us. But at least I had a friend.
It escalated to a point where being around her made me nauseous. It wasn’t fun anymore. I weighed whether this was worth effort.
It wasn’t.
So, I couldn’t fit in. I think she hardly noticed the difference when I left. I was simply another person for her to judge.
I don’t regret it. Leaving sooner would have saved me many a headache.
If the thought of being around someone fills you with anxiety or dread, leave. Don’t second guess, you are worth far more. No relationship should come at the cost of your sanity.
F. A. M. I. L. Y.
This one is complicated.
Family means a lot to so many of us. We manage to sink before we even notice. The lines blur before our loved ones. The impact of family is different for each of us. I come from a family where various cultures mesh together wonderfully.
The thing with family is, you can’t run from them.
Storytime:
Mine is a tradition heavy family, everything must happen at a perfect time; failure to do so means your life is ruined.
They do it out of love, but I could never understand it.
This story isn’t exactly mine, but it definitely inspired me in many ways.
We come from a family of doctors and engineers. Apparently, any other avenue of learning equates into you being a hobbit.
But my brother chose otherwise. Cue the gasps from the judgemental aunts.
My brother lives his life based on a simple policy: “You can’t make everyone happy.”
So, he had already decided, he didn’t want to be an engineer and doctor.
My family members were disappointed.
“But what will he do?”
“I heard there’s no scope in that.”
“You give him too much freedom.”
My parents were questioned and chided. Ah, the joys of having relatives.
My brother remained firm; I would have folded like paper. My mother asked, “Are you sure?”
He just smiled and replied, “You need to think for yourself. You can’t make everyone happy.”
I am proud of him.
Sometimes you need to put yourself first, your family may love you but when things aren’t right, you need to put yourself first.
Pretty Little Decisions
Humans have opinions, a lot of them and most of it is influenced by someone else. The tea is, we are also indecisive; we tend to rely on others. We decide we want something and once we have decided, we start to pull at the threads, till the entire creation falls apart.
We forget, not everyone wants the same thing. Also, it isn’t necessary to apply everyone’s thought process to our own.
Storytime:
One day my boss decided to give me an important job that wasn’t really supposed to be my responsibility. I didn’t want to take it, but a close friend of mine who was already working on it convinced me to take it.
“It’ll be a great experience. You’ll learn a lot from it.”
I thought she was right and took the job. It ate up all my free time. I hardly had time for anything else. Then a week later my friend backed out of it, and I was left all alone handling it.
“It is too much work. I don’t have time for it.”
I was furious with her. But mostly, I was furious at myself. I knew it was a lot, I should have said no.
Sometimes we are incapable of saying no.
Toxic Teacup
If I could fit all my problems in one place, it’d be a teacup. It’s not much but I’m addicted to drinking it, simply because I can’t say no.
Because I worry. I worry it will hurt someone, I worry it’ll cost me a friend, and I worry if I am wrong.
It’s known as overthinking.
The irony is when we say yes and still continue to worry. I explained this conundrum to a friend, she laughed and accepted being a part of it too. But then she said something that worked as an easy way out, simply put: “If we are going to worry regardless, might as well say no. At least we won’t regret it in the long run.”
The way I see it, the toxic teacup will always be waiting for us, all we can do is regulate the number of sips we choose to take from it.
