For everyone writing signifies something unique, something that entirely belongs to that one person: for me it’s peace.
I love to write, it helps me put all my thoughts in order, but writing is not easy, in fact it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. On some days the words come pouring out like an untapped river but on some days, it feels like I’ll never be able to write again, as though all the letters are wrapped in a net of barbed wires. It feels painful on those days, to write.
On those days I must dig deep and string together all the words that I love with pain and hold on to them greedily. But somehow those words are the prettiest and mean the most. So, this is about those days, this about those moments when I spend hours staring at the ceiling wondering where I went wrong.
Let’s journey into my spiraling mind:
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The Title Hunt:
For me I can’t begin writing until I don’t know what it is that I want to write about. Most people tell me that first begin writing then think about the title, but it never works for me that way, I need to know what it is that is driving me forward.
It could be something small or something big, but it must be something that interests me, something that I can connect with. For me putting together the title is like putting in the biggest piece of the puzzle, the corners around which I build everything.
This process nearly takes hours for me, I start with a word or concept, and they try to build a sentence around it which best represents what I am trying to write about. Then I spend hours trying to see if this is what I want or if it reads right.
Having a title helps me visualize rest of what I want, yes, it’s true sometimes mid writing I do change my mind, so I end up adjusting where I feel something is missing but the fact that it is there is my point of stability.
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The Elusive Introduction:
Once upon a time I began to write, the hardest was the beginning. We all know we want the hero winning in the end but to reach that we need to begin and that isn’t easy. This is because the introduction is where we get to grasp the interest of our readers and if we do not succeed in those first few words… we have already lost them.
So, what I do is, I keep a goal of 100 words. I try to write the first 100 words and then go back and read it. That is the first step, once those first 100 words are out, our job then becomes to lead those 100 words to the very end.
Each time I stumble, in my mind I keep thinking, just another 100 words, this allows me to maintain a steady goal, something tangible or measurable; something I can hold on to when I am feeling overwhelmed.
Whenever I view something from a distance, it seems a lot, as though I cannot reach the end, this allows me to look at it in pieces and then finally build it into what I want.
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The Panicked Strikes:
This is the worst part of writing where I end up doubting everything that I have ever written, I keep going over everything and feel as though something is missing or is left undone. This leads me to either backspace large parts of it or outright delete everything.
To avoid this, I divide my writing into parts or sections and focus on them individually, so if I even feel a part isn’t well done my only haunting entity will be that part. I’ll just need to play with that section or area.
It is something that every anxious writer deals with; the everything is wrong sensation and it’s ok. Sometimes this obsessive behavior leads to what we are looking for.
For the absolute worst-case scenario, I save two different drafts, so that even if I end up striking through everything I can at least go back and compare.
The Frustrating Conclusion
The things we love are never easy to do, they are frustrating, challenging and yet somehow, we still feel incomplete without them. That’s why we keep pushing ahead and still doing it because it matters to us.
So, if you do mess up just go back, do over and give yourself the space to do over.
I know I won’t reach perfection in a day, but I also won’t stop trying until I reach a semblance of it at some point.
Writing drives, me insane but it also keeps me together.
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Thank you so much for reading, if you loved this post do buy me a coffee! 💜
