….or something along those lines
Crowds are difficult to manage, it’s too many people, too many emotions, too much everything to be honest. If I could, I would dig a giant hole, crawl inside and call it a day. Anyone who says they love to party, is a liar. Who likes to be voluntarily around people for hours on end, nodding and smiling at every single thing they say? It’s too much.
We all know, none of us are honest around others, it’s just a convenient and people-friendly mask that we wear in order to seem attentive and interested. And to be honest it’s not just random people, we have a different layer of mask for different people, be it friends or family. But that’s not important, it’s just a coping mechanism and it’s activated due to the people that we meet.
Decades of putting up with toxic individuals has triggered this unique ability of people management withing human beings. And the level of management varies depending upon the toxic entity and the level of toxicity that they spew.
Though the number may be sadly quite large, I have managed to loosely categorize them under 3 different categories so that should you come across them, you can have a vague idea on how to avoid them.
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The “For Your Own Good” Kind
Ah yes these are the people whose sole reason for survival is providing unnecessary advice. They see poor, unsuspecting humans and pounce on them and start distributing advice like sweets. It could be on anything from personal topics to whatever shoes you are wearing. They love to “make things easier for” you.
How did I come across them?
Simply breathe. You don’t have to do anything other than exist for them to find you. You could be just minding your own business and they will come along and pick apart whatever you are doing and blame you for it or tell you how you could be doing it in a “better way” – never mind that it does not work, or they don’t even know what is going on – or doing something else with your time.
They will be the ones that know the least about you but claim to think about you the most. There will be no important decision in your life that they will not interfere in. They exist to force their expectations upon you.
You are their secondhand experience at a redo.
How do you shake them off?
You can’t. Similar to a bloodthirsty vampire, they too shall scent you from afar. They will notice you, before you notice them. There are two ways about this; one, you unleash your inner rude and tell them to jump off a cliff – I’d personally approve this – or you approach this in a kinder but longer way – I am stuck with this – if you are a hesitant person like me.
The trick is smile and nod. Do NOT reply back. It works trust me. They just need a little bit of acknowledgement or attention. So, I spend five minutes smiling and nodding then I “remember” something and walk away quick.
Should you engage in a conversation, you will be stuck there for an hour. Simply, smile, nod and walk away.
Anything else is akin to poking a sleeping bear.
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The “Where Have You Been So Long” Kind
These individuals are based off two important causes:
- They were your friends and for whatever reason you are now avoiding them.
- They want to be your friends and for whatever reason you are avoiding them.
Either way it’s clear you are avoiding them. I too have been in this conundrum, and this is mostly due to the reason that perhaps your thoughts did not align with theirs or maybe you just view things differently, either just like every other relationship, it didn’t work out and that’s ok. It isn’t necessary that we must be friends with every single person that we meet.
How did I come across them?
As with everything, this too began with friendship. Conversations lead to complications certain times especially when we are incapable of saying no. We forget that it isn’t necessary at all times to say yes, and we do this to avoid confrontations.
This in turn causes us to become friends with those who have opposing viewpoints, which in turn leads to awkward conversations. It’s hard to upset them so we go for the next obvious scenario, which is avoidance, we slowly decrease our communication and eventually become invisible.
Aren’t we clever?
But this doesn’t end here, because they start chasing us, asking the dreaded “Where have you been for so long?” question.
This is the complicated part.
How do you shake them off?
This isn’t a game of hide and seek, if it was, we would already have lost because they always end up finding us. So, then what can we do?
Unless you are switching countries, we cannot avoid them and now especially due to social media, things are even harder. Damn you last seen!
So, my greatest trick is time and pattern.
You cannot vanish, so you must fade, and time is your greatest help in this. People eventually get used to anything; you just have to give them the time to do so.
Stop replying, it’s ok to let go of people who don’t fall into your spectrum.
Stop answering all their calls, you don’t owe them anything.
Keep repeating this until you fade from their contact list, both of you will find someone better.
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The “Have You Heard” Kind
Ah yes, our friendly neighborhood gossipers, there isn’t a bird that could fly without them knowing. These are the people that are more informed than the US intelligence agency. With a single glance they can uncover secrets about you that even you didn’t know existed.
With a talent of this caliber, you’d think they’d be very well hidden but no, it is very apparent who they are. This is because they have an unfathomable need to come and talk to you, to tell you every single detail about someone’s life and what is happening in it.
How did I come across them?
It isn’t a matter of you finding them but of them finding you. It usually begins from an interesting incident or a party, basically anything with a significant gathering of people. There will be conversation and eventually you will be pulled in with some interesting morsel of information which they will share with you, and this starts the cycle.
At any point in time should there be an incident that occurs they will eventually find you and want to talk. What we fail to understand is that this is a give and take situation where in if you take information, they’ll expect the same from you and the worst part is, they’ll talk about you too with others.
This is an expected outcome; gossip is a sort of currency where in rumors are also added into the mix and it’s a potentially volatile mix too which always ends up burning you.
How do you shake them off?
This one is the easiest, you don’t show any sort of interest, the moment you do they will latch on, and you’ll have zero peace after that.
Humans love to talk; we are the only species that managed to talk entire empires into existence. And this leads to even more talking, the only way we can stop is to simply stop showing any interest. The more interest you show, the more they’ll want to approach you, and this is a two-way street; you must contribute too. This can either be about yourself or someone else.
So, the best way to not contribute to this toxic cycle is, show no interest.
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So, what did we learn?
It doesn’t matter how many friends we have, what matter’s is the kind of friends we have. None of us get to choose many things in life but friends are something we can choose.
So, if at anytime you find someone uncomfortable to be around, it’s ok to let go and this isn’t exclusive to friendship; even in other relations, it’s ok to let go of those who don’t
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Thank you for reading! Also, I sure do love support and coffees! 💜
