Friends and Enemies

Welcome to the lonely zone.

Having friends is like growing plants. It requires love, care, attention and occasionally pouring water. In the end you enjoy the fruits of your labor. But this is where the similarities end, because then comes the scary part, keeping friends. This is where I struggle.

I am not the best at having conversations, mostly because my mind wanders off catching butterflies and random spirals of self-inflicted panic. So, by the time I manage to put my mind back into order, it’s already too late. I end up missing half the conversation and start spouting nonsense.

For me, there’s no in between, I either offend the person or find someone amazing who doesn’t mind my quirks. The offending part happens far more than the amazing friend’s part. Honestly, the whole social interaction part became so hard, I ended up avoiding friends more often than not. There are so many traps we can fall into unknowingly.

So, what’s the secret? How to have friends? Do we need friends?

Now I am not so good at the having friends’ part, but I am great at the avoiding part. So, maybe I can tell you, what NOT to do.

Let’s walk through the steps of how to avoid making friends. Things I learned through the years that are guaranteed to make you the pariah of the party.

1. Failed Filter Approach

Usually when I talk to people, I am very friendly, but this comes with its own set of problems. I tend to not think before I speak. Not everyone has the same brand of humor or mannerism of speech. What we say sarcastically may be construed as rude or cold. It’s hard to find the right shades of black to slot between our greys.

A while back one of my friends asked, “Is the aggravation worth it?”.

Sometimes it does happen, where we do water ourselves down for someone else. Where we cover bits and pieces of ourselves and let them color us the way they need. But is this worth it?

For me this has always depended upon the person, are they worth the effort? Do I care enough for them to compromise parts of me?

None of us can always play a part, reality is a harsh mistress. But if the person is worth it, then soon the occasional peak behind the veil won’t scare them away. The edges will soon dull.

I spent years stubbornly being myself, drove away many but the stubborn ones stayed. So, if you want to scare people away, this is a good way to go.

2. Text No Text Drama

Now if some unfortunate soul managed to be stubborn enough to stay after being exposed to the mad machinations of your mind, this part will cause them to shrivel up in frustration.

This is a bad habit of mine where I do tend to ignore text messages and put them of for a while. My friends spam me until I answer. There is no particular reason why I do this just that sometimes I feel a bit down or just hate typing.

People do like instant replies, and they do get annoyed if you make them wait. This doesn’t apply for everyone apparently, because some are determined enough to keep messaging until you answer or even call! The nerve I tell you.

It’s a good thing though because without them I would have spiraled away into my own head.

3. A No Show

Outings. Night outs. The bane of an introvert. I accept, there’s nothing that makes me huff in frustration than to hear the words, “Let’s go somewhere.”.

Am I the only one who smiles evilly if plans fall through?

I never mind staying in and watching movies, but going out? Oh dear.

Most of the times I try to wriggle out of it, but there are only so many times your toilet can explode, or your neighbor’s cat can get stuck in a tree.

But, if you have clever friend’s, trust me this never works out. At this point they just show up at the door and drag me out of my cave.

The mix of an introvert with an extrovert is truly a potent one.

The introvert hides and the extrovert manage to seek them out and drag them out to “get fresh air”.

4. A Human Necessity

If all these techniques have failed in avoiding friends, trust me you are stuck with them for life. It’s not a bad thing though. In my hunt for solitary, I have managed to find people just as insane as me. And it’s fine.

We manage to build so many walls, some attachments do tend to get through the cracks, and they deserve to be there. The ones that get through are just as flawed as we are. Their imperfections flow perfectly alongside with ours.

The ones that we fight and change for are equally worth it, their colors paint us beautifully. A little change is for the better, even if we are grumpy about it. We can keep always running but it’s just as fun if someone runs alongside us.